Wednesday, March 03, 2004

I guess being lazi n blur had got me into real BIG trouble now... Guess the break up is not as hurting as patching up n breaking it off again! I oways dun have a firm stand. Yes...yesterday i woz so firm in not getting back to him animore, thinking that after a cry, everythign would be fine, but i realise it wasnt wad i expected. I had been expecting myself crying n would fall aslp soon. But when i fall aslp, or maybe i shud say juz resting my eyes, all that flashes across my mind is him, all the different ways i try to reject him, n soon, i cant take it animore. I open my eyes n tt's it...i cant get back to sleep animore. I woz wide awake! All alone in the dark, feeling so lonely. I try not to look ard as it would sure reminds me of him. But everywhere i look sure has sumthing to do wif him. N when i close my eyes, its other memories wif him. I dunwan him to fall for another ger. I dunwan him to forget me. But i m quite certain i dun wan to end up wif him in the end! I noe i m being real selfish here. But, i m realli confuse. My eyes hurts, my nose seems to turn so big. My face seems to be tearing apart! Feelin very miserable.
I feel so bad, y cant i jzu tolerate awhile more so i can ask a fren's opinion? I m realli not matured enf to tink, n i m realli lazi to tink. But sumtimes i tink i m nt being lazi, juz tt the more i force myself to tink, my mind will go blank... Nw patch up le, but i still feel tt there is no future, n i dunwan to end up wif him. PAtching up is oni becoz the both of us juz cant let go at this moment. so now again i m tinking of wad shud i do? Breaking up wif him AGAIN will be more hurting than ani other stuff right now i guess. I dunwan to experience the crying again. But...dunno. This isn't the life i tot would be after the break up. I oways yearn to be single b4 that. Go clubbing, sleepovers, overseas, chalets, meeting up wif loads of frens, doing every single thing i wan... But, y din i perservere alittle more? Alittle more might lessen the hurt tt i created by my little tots n confusion.

Days have past in the holiday, everyday been doing every other stuff except for studying. Nw all these happens, i noe i cant blame anibody, but, i juz cant get myself to do anithing... Juz hope tt everythign will have an ending real soon... N sorry for those who worried for me n concern about me. I might not regain my cheerful side now, but i believe it will come one day. Juz waiting for the day when both of us can give this relationship a break n move on.... Some might find me bitchie to do all these, so hurtless, but, i hate myself too...