Sunday, May 28, 2006

i stress for the unneccessaries. 8(.

like... how come it's so easy while people had been saying it's really tough. These really worries me. sigh.

n worrying for the not important things in life. sigh....

i really cannot stand people i love being too dependent on anyone, anything. i think it's nonsense when people say they really cant live without another. sigh. but people always retaliate back that it because i never experience this kind of feeling or i havent met anyone who can make me feel this way that's why i will never ever understand this. probably. but.... sigh... i dont know.

n i really cannot stand people who arent good themself criticising on others and looking down on others. or people who just judge a person by their looks. when they criticise, it just make me feel so disgusted. sigh.

seems like it's the negative point in time where i keep finding faults with my surroundings and my family do suffer alittle. especially when i am driving. sigh. sidetrack abit... nw i know the importance of oil. it's not only the car livelihood but the owner too.

while i like to identify the bad things of others, i know i am sometimes like that too. sigh. i just hope i will be more independent. especailly financially. how i wish i can help to pay for this n that. sigh.

minty says i am so different in poly times n now. now, i feel much more like the times in secondary school. n i feel that i never was myself in poly. that's why i dont really like poly life.

but.... nw it doesnt seems alot better. it seems like i somehow hit my max at work. i am almost all drain out physically and mentally. having dreams which contain my colleagues. i no longer have the drive n enthusiasm i use to have, like i no longer feel like going online to read up infos from mom or cpfboard. haha. n i cant seems to make myself work late for a whole week to finish up my things. i tend to slack now. super uper slack now. everything is drag drag n drag. sigh.

and the working society doesnt seems all great. during my attachment when people doted on me, i felt happy. just simply happy. now, whenever anyone dotes on me or whenever i get closer with any colleagues, it will just feel so wrong. like, i would start thinking whats their intention. the colleagues are still generally nice. probably it's just me. paranoid shu. how suitable.

i start to question myself... what would i want to be in the future? i cant imagine myself as a hr exec with a few staff under me. i wont be a good leader. maybe i should just save up for now, and go study some relevant courses and be a pre-school teacher. at least i know i still have a heart. haha. or maybe, go get a class 3 licence and go enrol to some school and be a car racer. lolx. if only car racer drives an auto car during competition. haha. n no matter how it crashes, the racer wont suffer any injuries. haha.

sigh.... a long post. i seems to be losing interest in everything. just feel like working, n spending the rest of my time at home... sigh.